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In anticipation of Advent’s beginning this year, Mike and I did a little bit of real estate shopping. No, we are not planning any immediate moves from our sweet home. And, no, we did not purchase a vacation home in the Florida Keys (tempting though that is as the weather starts to get colder). Rather, we purchased a 3 sq. ft. condo in the Ignatius House columbarium, top right-hand corner. We don’t know who most of our neighbors will be. They’ve not moved in yet either and, like us, probably hope not to do so for some time, but we know that if they’ve picked the same location, they are going to be cool people like us because Ignatius House is a very special place.
Ignatius House is the place I made my first eight-day silent retreat to get me ready to do the 30 days Ignatian spiritual exercises for my 50th birthday. It is also the site of innumerable CGSUSA events where catechists from around the country have gathered and continue to gather. When Mike suggested a couple weeks ago that we look into this Jesuit retreat house as our final resting place, it immediately felt like the right thing to do and filled me with joy. In my own family, we don’t have much of a tradition of visiting grave sites in good part because our own parents (+ uncle and aunt) have all donated their bodies to science through the St. Louis University Medical School. At Ignatius House, I have the sense that people will not have a hard time finding my resting place and that my CGS sisters and brothers will pop by with some regularity and say a prayer for me.
I hope that me telling you this fills you with joy also, but if it strikes you as more than a little weird (even depressing) to mention columbarium shopping during the first week of Advent, I’d like to share a little bit about why it seemed like a good idea in my (perhaps warped) mind:
Sometimes we think about Advent as the time to get ready for Christmas, which is good and right, especially when we are children. But it has struck me of late that really Christmas is about getting ready for Advent.
What do I mean by that?
It is true that before Jesus arrived in history people were waiting for One who would usher in the Coming of the Lord / the Kingdom of God / the Reign of God / the Seventh Day (I’ve called it a lot of different things in recent newsletters because it is a reality so great no one phrase seems to capture it for you or I. Even Jesus had trouble pinning it down in a single way he found satisfactory.) As Christians we believe that Jesus was that One and that he arrived on Christmas. Each Advent we remember the long wait and growing desire that led to his birth. But what we also remember is that what began in Jesus has not yet been finished. The Kingdom has yet to be fully realized on our planet.
When I consider the readings of the first Sunday of Advent we heard yesterday, I am always reminded of one of my all-time favorite Advent quotes from Karl Rahner, SJ:
"It is strange that the gospel read at the beginning of time of preparation for Christmas is that of the end of the whole history of the world. Yet that is not really surprising. For what is afoot in a small beginning is best recognized by the magnitude of its end. What was really meant and actually happened by the coming, the 'advent', of the redeemer is best gathered from that completion of his coming which we rather misleadingly call the 'second coming.' For in reality, it is the fulfillment of his ONE coming which is still in progress at the present time." - Rahner, Advent Sourcebook, p.158
I know. It is a little dense, but just hang with it for a moment. Rahner reminds us that, since Jesus has already come, what we are really waiting for and working for each Advent is the “end” of history—the realization of God’s plan for us. Ultimately, it is a communal end. One for our whole planet. Perhaps even our whole universe. But each of us is also invited, I think, to ponder it in light of our own lives. In what way is my own personal “end” a sign of the grand “end”? Is my own “end” the sign I want it to be?
One of the great gifts of having a husband in Catholic health care ministry is that he makes you think about these kinds of things all the time. Even outside the Advent season. For years now he has been a big advocate of the Five Wishes program (downloadable at a very low cost) which leads person, families, business owners, etc. through a well-considered process of figuring out what they want at the end of their lives. (There is even a specifically Catholic version.) In his job, Mike has seen too many deaths that were not peaceful and too many families break apart because of a lack of clarity around what kind of sign they wanted their own “end” to leave. For us as a couple, filling out this form together (and involving other family members in the conversation) has been a way of practicing the Kingdom of God into being. Not the only way, of course, but hopefully in our passing (and our remains being placed in their cool new condo) we will be a sign of Advent, of what the Lord’s “Second Coming” will look like. We will witness to peace, to forgiveness, to unity, to joy.
Maybe Five Wishes is something that you’d like to do with your family or close friends as well. (I realize that most of you in religious communities already do have something like this as part of your community practice!) It might not be during the first week of this Advent, but maybe sometime in the new year. Mike, as I’ve already noted, tends to think Advent can go all year round.
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Okay, time for the health update: I am still doing fine, but will admit that last week was a harder week. Last Monday, as a combination of some poor food choices on my part and an anti-nausea medication with unfortunate side effects, I experienced an evening I hope will not be repeated… ever. I was better on Tuesday but my weekly blood draw on that day did not reflect what the oncologist wanted to see.
My sodium levels had dropped dramatically. I did not see this as a problem and asked if I could just go home and swallow a couple teaspoons of salt. Apparently, the body does not work this way. She feared that it was a possible sign of diabetes caused by syphilis. (Side bar from Micah: No, this is NOT what the doctor said. My mother does not have syphilis any more than she has leprosy. What the doctor said was that it could be an indication of “diabetes insipidis” which is something that occasionally happens after a person has had brain surgery where the body loses its capacity to absorb sodium properly.) Anyway, she wanted me admitted to the hospital—the day before Thanksgiving!
I am happy to report that doing another blood draw on Wednesday revealed that my sodium level was back up some and had likely been caused instead by bad dehydration following Monday’s episode of which we shall not speak again. I was able to go home for Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, in the long amounts of time that I spent sitting on Wednesday in various offices, I wreaked havoc on my lower back, which happens occasionally when I don’t move enough or do so in the wrong direction, and I spent the first part of Thanksgiving weekend in constant back pain. Fortunately, I have an excellent sister-in-law physical therapist who was able to explain via phone all the things I was doing wrong that was elevating the pain (i.e. using a heating pad instead of ice; trying to stretch forward rather than backward; taking Advil instead of Tylenol). Anyway, after I started doing what Kathleen told me to do, I was better within hours. It is worth it to listen to people who actually know what they are talking about. Do not allow me to ever give you medical advice.
This afternoon I begin my 4th week of treatment and am anticipating a better week. At least I could use a better week. Regardless, I will do my best to continue to ward off leprosy and syphilis and new cancer cells by trying to let go of “Keppra rage” and re-embracing some semblance of good humor. Hang in there with me.